if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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