My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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