I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
