New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
