Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
