SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
