I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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