so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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