This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
