This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We talked him into tasing himself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
