i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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