the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
