and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
