but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
