We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...