Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it glows. i had to have it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.