Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.