who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.