Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
