I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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