tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
