When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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