Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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