god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
