I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
