do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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