They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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