all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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