I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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