sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
