It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
