You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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