How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
