I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
