I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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