I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer