When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother