and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm way too hungover for life right now