Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
don't judge my taste in strippers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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