You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night