yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.