Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"