Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you would pick up someone in the library
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen