I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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