I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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