Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
