i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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