It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
