The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
