Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
