She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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