I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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