my shit smells like andre
Houston, we have a blender
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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