Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is the high leading the old right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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