That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
