Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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