oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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