Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
