There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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