It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need a beard to bite.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
