Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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