im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
