There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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