dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
MIDGETS
????
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
