The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
