There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
