I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
