so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize