I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Shame - the story of my life.
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