You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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