He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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