Moan for me like Helen Keller
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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