What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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