you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
