Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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