Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have peed in a lot of sinks
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
