im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
