So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
