Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
