you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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