Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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