I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
