I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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