Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
