I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
