eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
