Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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