We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
